The Great Shinomori Salesman
by Kaoru-chan21
Summary: What's Aoshi doing walking around with a box of band-aids? And what in God's name is he doing in a....monkey outfit! Don't kill me Mrs. Muldrow!


I woke up one mourning and this idea popped into my head. Don't ask why, because I have no idea where it came from...yare yare. Enjoy!  
  
P.S. I'm not on anything really  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
COMPLETE WHITE  
  
(Sano and Aoshi are walking back to the Aoiya after Shishou's defeaet. Kenshin's half dead and Sano's carrying him. Aoshi's starring ahead, but then turns to look at Sano and Kenshin.)  
  
Aoshi: Hey Sagara.  
  
Sano: What Shinomori?  
  
Aoshi: Chewing that fishbone must have terrible effects on your teeth.  
  
Sano: Wha-?  
  
Aoshi: That's why you need a good toothpaste that will help restore your teeth while making them white..  
  
Sano: What the hell you talking about Shinomori?!  
  
Aoshi: I'm talking about Complete White. The toothpaste that not only makes your teeth white, but also helps make them stronger.  
  
Sano: Did you hit your head or something Shinomori?!?!  
  
Aoshi: No, but I like to take good care of my teeth. So if you want teeth like mine, (shows his teeth but it looks more like a lion baring his teeth then a smile.) then you want Complete White. The only toothpaste that restores while whitens.  
  
Sano: Shinomori..you're really scaring me..And if you don't stop, I'm gonna send my fist into your pearly whites.got it?  
  
Aoshi: I'm done. It was only 30 seconds long.  
  
Sano: Wha- No wait. I don't wanna know.  
  
******************** BAND-AID BRAND  
  
(Aoshi's standing over Kenshin's bed at the Aoyia after they got Kenshin bandaged up. Kenshin's asleep but that's not gonna stop Aoshi.)  
  
Aoshi: Himura. Himura..(Shakes him) Himura!  
  
Kenshin: Oww!!! Owww!! Yamero! Yamero! Ouch..What is it Aoshi?  
  
Aoshi: When you get cut you should use the one brand that works. Band-Aid brand. (He holds up a box of band-aids  
  
Kenshin: Oro?!  
  
Aoshi: Band-Aid brand works best. They're water proof, and don't come off as easily as other brands.  
  
Kenshin: I think Megumi-dono bandaged me well enough, arigato.  
  
Aoshi: But no brand is like Band-Aid brand.  
  
Kenshin: No really, I'm ok  
  
Aoshi: Band-Aid brand is mom's #1 choice.  
  
Kenshin: My mom died when I was young.  
  
Aoshi: (Getting annoyed, takes a big Band-Aid and sticks it over Kenshin's mouth. Kenshin tries to get it off but with no prevail.) See, I told you they don't come off easy. And that's why you should use Band-Aid brand too.  
  
Misao: (Jumps in the room singing) I'm stuck on Band-Aid brand, 'cause band- Aid sticks on me! (Aoshi smirks at the sight off Misao singing the extremely annoying song. Kenshin finally ripped the huge band-aid off his mouth)  
  
Kenshin: OWWW!!!! That smarts! ...And I don't think I'll have to shave for a while.  
  
Aoshi: Stop being a baby Himura  
  
Kenshin: Baby? Come on gimme a little credit.after all I just defeated Shishou and saved the government...  
  
Aoshi: A corrupt government..  
  
Kenshin: (sweat drop) Let's not get into that..  
  
********************  
  
MOUTH WASH: (thanks Emily!!)  
  
(Kamiya Dojo, after Kyoto Arc.; Kaoru is training Yahiko in the dojo)  
  
Yahiko: (While doing the 200 swings Kaoru assigned him) Busu, busu, busu, busu, busu, ::singsongy:: busu, busu, busu  
  
Kaoru: Yahiko! You'd better watch! I have a good mind to wash your mouth out with soap!!!!  
  
Aoshi: Why not the boys mouth out with mouthwash?  
  
Kaoru: Aoshi?! How the helk did you get here?!  
  
Kenshin: (Doing laundry hears her scream) Kaoru-dono? (Running over with sword) Oh..Aoshi- san..Umm.Konichiwa?  
  
Aoshi: I think that mouthwash works best when trying to fight bacteria and keeping your teeth white..  
  
Sano: THAT'S IT!!!!!! I"VE HAD IT WITH YOU AND THOSE TEETH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (attacks Aoshi with that move he learned from the monk..don't know the name.hehe.For some reason, Aoshi didn't move and got hit in the face.(SRY Aoshi fans!) Misao comes running over)  
  
Misao: Aoshi-sama!!! Aoshi-sama!! Oh no.I know you were only trying to raise money for the Aoiya..Oh poor Aoshi-sama..  
  
Sano: He was.::twitches:: raising money??  
  
Misao: Yea...  
  
Kaoru: Misao, I thought you had plenty of money..Where did it all go?  
  
Misao: ... Shoes..  
  
Kenshin&Yahiko&Sano: What?!?!  
  
Misao: Yea, me and the other girls went shopping. ::cough::  
  
Kaoru: Oh, I see!  
  
Sano: Uh oh Kenshin.you'd better watch..Jou-chan might wanna go shopping heh  
  
Kaoru: Shut-up Sano! I'm the only one here who works! So why would I go blow my own money, I'd only have to make more!!  
  
Yahiko: Calm down busu, he was only having fun with you! (Yahiko gets thwacked in the head with a bokken)  
  
Misao: Yea well. Aoshi-sama went to make some money with commercials...  
  
Others: Commercial?! Aoshi?!  
  
Misao: Yea..  
  
Sano: This is all too weird...  
  
Kenshin: De gozura  
  
Misao: Yea well...Now I have to carry Aoshi back o the Aoiya  
  
(Then a limousine pulls up and Steven Spielberg gets out ands walks over to the lifeless Aoshi)  
  
Steven: (To Misao) Are you his agent and why the helk is he dead?  
  
Misao: I am (The others stare at her) and the baka over here punched his face in with some super move..  
  
Sano: Heh..sorry..  
  
Steven: Well if he's not dead then I'd like to give him a contract for a movie I'm doing. I've seen his commercials and want him in this movie  
  
Misao: Sure..what movie?  
  
Steven: A new one I'm doing..The Wizard of Oz  
  
Misao: Ok...  
  
A FEW MONTHS LATER...  
  
Kaoru: Hurry Kenshin! We're gonna miss it!  
  
Yahiko: Busu's right for once!  
  
Sano: Dumb rurouni! Come on!  
  
Kenshin: Ok! Ok! (Starts to run, but runs faster then all of them)  
  
Kaoru: Baka! Slow down!  
  
Kenshin: But you just told shesha to hurry up!  
  
(Kaoru's fist finds his face and he slows down. They get to town and find their way to the theater and take their seats. The play starts..it's the Wizard of Oz. Misao finds the Kenshin-gumi half-way through the show and takes a seat next to Kaoru.)  
  
Misao: I was doing some business  
  
Kaoru: Where's Aoshi? I haven't seen him in the play yet.  
  
Misao: He's coming up.Oh look there he is!  
  
(They all look on stage and see a tall figure, dark, dressed as a flying monkey standing on stage, rather stiffly. (A/N: I've never seen the Wizard of Oz but bare with me!) The witch sends the monkey after Dorothy (A/N: right?) and the fake monkey kind of strides quickly after the actress. The Kenshin-gumi's jaws drop)  
  
Kaoru: Your kidding me..that's Aoshi?!  
  
Misao: Yea.that's the only part they had for him..but he does look sweet in that outfit (Misao and Kaoru start giggling)  
  
Sano: He's either insane or has lost all sense of dignity..  
  
Yahiko: I think both..  
  
Sano: Yea you're right..I'd never be caught dead in an outfit like that..  
  
Yahiko: Me neither.  
  
Kenshin: Me neither..  
  
Kaoru: I don't know Kenshin, you'd look cute in that  
  
Kenshin: Oro?! Kaoru-dono!  
  
Kaoru: I'm just saying.  
  
(Misao and her start giggling again. After the play the Kenshin-gumi goes back-stage to see Aoshi. Kenshin gets stopped at the door because the bouncer doesn't like his attitude)  
  
Kenshin: Shesha isn't doing anything de gozura!  
  
Bouncer: Ya, ya I've heard it before! Then what are you doing with a sword?  
  
Kenshin: Shesha uses it to protect himself and shesha's friends! De gozura!  
  
Bouncer: What the hell does de gozura mean anyway?!  
  
Kenshin: Oro..  
  
(Misao and the others are let through but the Bouncer holds Kenshin back)  
  
Kaoru: Poor Kenshin.Where's Aoshi Misao?  
  
Misao: Over there! Aoshi-sama!  
  
Aoshi: Misao.please don't tell me that's Kenshin and his little friends...  
  
Misao: Yup! They came to see you're big break!  
  
Sano: (Under his breath) yea, break of sanity...  
  
Kaoru: You were..really good..  
  
Sano: Yea man..that was the best queer monkey I've ever seen.. (Yahiko and Sano start laughing hysterically)  
  
Misao: Don't make fun! He did his best!  
  
Aoshi: Where's Himura?  
  
Kaoru: Hehe..the bouncer held him up...  
  
(Kenshin's still arguing with the bouncer)  
  
Kenshin: Shesha isn't doing anything!  
  
Bouncer: Alright..I'll let you in if you get me a date with that pretty girl.(waves at Kaoru who waves back)  
  
Kenshin: Oro?! Shesha can't do that!  
  
Bouncer: Why not? Just ask her for me and I'll let you in!  
  
Kenshin: I don't think shesha wants to get in that badly.  
  
Kaoru: Oh please let him in! He's really not looking for trouble!  
  
Bouncer: Ok ma'am...Get in there before I change my mind  
  
Kenshin: (bows) Komo Arigato bouncer-san  
  
Bouncer: Whatever..  
  
Kenshin: Arigato Kaoru-dono..Aoshi-san.That was.a.good show..  
  
Aoshi: Shut up Himura..  
  
**************  
  
How do you like it? I know it's dumb but I wrote it at 7:30 in the mourning...Heh..don't ask.Reviews would gladly be accepted..hehe..  
  
Emily: Aoshi, in a flying monkey suit?!  
  
Rina: What the hell did you do to MY Aoshi?!!?!  
  
Sara: ...I'm not even getting into this one..  
  
All: Don't...  
  
Me: I have to go before they beat me up!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin (bet you didn't know that) Or the Wizard of Oz...or flying monkeys for that matter...That would be cool though. 


End file.
